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JASON'S BEDROOM: Matt: Hey, you look happy. What's up? Jason: I have a girlfriend. Matt: Really? Congratulations. Where did you two meet? Jason: Well, we haven't met in person, but we've been chatting online. Matt: Congratulations less. Jason: Oh, pish posh. Matt: Ever since you got a girlfriend, you talk a lot more like a sixty-year-old British woman. Jason: Matt, this girl is amazing. She's from this small town in Estonia, so whatever I write, I have to put into Google Translator, but we're so in love. Matt: Google Translator? That thing can mess stuff up pretty badly sometimes… What on earth is that language?! Jason: It's Nordic backwards Latvian schlang. Matt: That sounds made up. Jason: 27 people speak it Matt, it's actually quite common. Jason: She's a beautiful girl, and it's a beautiful language. There she is. Hel Gegatha. Matt: Oh, she looks very… agricultural. Jason: That's what I like about her most. And today I tell her I want to meet in person. Matt: It's a big day. Jason: Yes. Jason: "I love you so much, my darling. You are beautiful like the sea and amazing as the stars. I'm so glad I found you." Matt: Eugh. My brain just vomited. Jason: Shut up, Matt. You don't understand love, it's complicated. AGRICULTURAL BEDROOM: Mallory: Oh! I have so many love for you, darling. You are amazing and pretty as fireballs. I am happy I looked you. Mallory: Ooh! (speaks in a 'foreign' language) JASON'S BEDROOM: I love you, Jason. So many, so many. I would want you to marry. Jason: Oh my goodness, she wants to marry me! Matt: Yeah, it might not be the greatest idea. Jason: Oh, tea and crumpets! Matt: Ah, there's that old British woman again. Listen, you need to meet this girl in person, before you get involved in something crazy with someone you met online. I mean, she could be a total psychopath, or a 900-year-old man… She could be taller than you! Jason: No! Don't you even say that! But you're right, we should meet before we make plans. Matt: Thank you. Jason: "I'm ecstatic at your offer, but I think we should meet face-to-face before we make any plans. What's your address? I will book a flight and come find you as soon as I can." AGRICULTURAL BEDROOM: My love, I am happy at you, but I thought our face and face should meet before we make plans. What your address? I will Bible a flight and come look at you as soon as I can. Mallory: Ooh! Ooh! Mammy! Mammy! Whitney: (speaks in a 'foreign' language) Mallory: (speaks in a 'foreign' language) Whitney: (speaks in a 'foreign' language) Adam: (speaks in a 'foreign' language) Whitney: (speaks in a 'foreign' language) Mallory: (speaks in a 'foreign' language) JASON'S BEDROOM: I live in only cottage on Hoghill Mountain in Peske, Estonia. Is two-day climb, and our heels are infested with werewolf monkeys. Jason: I can't believe I'm doing this! Matt: What? You're gonna do this?! What about the werewolf monkeys? Rabid monkeys. Matt: I guess that's better. Jason: "I'm so happy. I hope to impress your family when I come to your house, so that I can marry you, Hel Gegatha." AGRICULTURAL BEDROOM: Mallory: Oh! I am so happy. I hope to come to your home and murder your family, so that I can marriage you, Hel Gegatha. Whitney: (speaks in a 'foreign' language) Adam: (speaks in a 'foreign' language) Mallory: (speaks in a 'foreign' language) Whitney: (speaks in a 'foreign' language) JASON'S BEDROOM: Please, don't hurt me. Jason: Aw, she's afraid of getting hurt! It's so sweet and tender! Matt: I guess that is pretty sweet. Okay, she's growing on me. Jason: "I'm scared too, but I promise I won't hurt you. I stick to my guns." AGRICULTURAL BEDROOM: Fear also, it will not hurt. I stick with guns. Whitney: (speaks in a 'foreign' language) Adam: (speaks in a 'foreign' language) Mallory: (speaks in a 'foreign' language) Mallory: (speaks in a 'foreign' language) Stacey: (speaks in a 'foreign' language) James: (speaks in a 'foreign' language) Stephen: (speaks in a 'foreign' language) Adam: (speaks in a 'foreign' language) James: (speaks in a 'foreign' language) Adam: (speaks in a 'foreign' language) JASON'S BEDROOM: Jason: Hm, she hasn't responded back yet. Maybe she had to do some farmwork. I'll just sign off really quick: "My heart bleeds, bleeds, bleeds without you." AGRICULTURAL BEDROOM: Blood, blood, blood, your organs. Cast: (screams) JASON'S BEDROOM: Matt: You know, you should bring her family something nice when you come. Jason: Yeah, how about a nice set of goats? Matt: Oh, that's nice. Jason: Yeah. Category:Season 1